The Wives of the OFWs

By Rolo B. Cena
The Gulf Files
Dumaguete Star Informer
14 August 2011

Riyadh, Saudi Arabia – Undoubtedly, if they can only be nominated for life-time achievement awards, they can be winners by unanimous choice. Surely, no amount of major, major achievement can outbest their performance in life.

In search of the classic greener pasture, husbands cross the borders to share with colleagues the adversities in uncharted kingdoms: high seas of immeasurable depth, hectares of badlands and infinite sand dunes, and miles of jungles and undefined territories. Back home, high prices of commodities, soaring unemployment rates, unfavorable political climate and disturbed economy pushed them to the edge.

Let alone risks come to pass, lest, the tough should get going.

When husbands leave their homesteads, several values at the same time slip off the domicile: fatherhood, control, and affection. Presumably, the ordeal begins.

Unquestionably, wives take over the roles husbands vacated. While they cannot forgo their motherhood, by default they should take on fatherhood. Although it’s psychologically manageable, this vacuum grossly becomes a scare to most of them: authority over kids may not be as effective as the way fathers execute. In our culture, fatherhood dictates authority; more so, authority is always associated with masculinity – an orientation most women dispute or argue with. And to some extent, I agree!

Wives have to earnestly perform blue-collar jobs most of the time: cook, driver, janitor, plumber, electro-mechanic, messenger, tea boy, and guard. While these menial jobs husbands execute become irritating and taxing, the requirement to do takes precedence over ire. Quipped one wife close to me: “Superman has no room in this modern-day environment anymore; wives are!”

Wives have to dutifully execute white-collar jobs most of the time: tutor, counselor, entertainer, priest, and king. While these job roles are shared by husbands and wives, most of the time husbands maintain stronger dominance over these roles.

Although there are wives who are more domineering than husbands, this authority figure or control mechanism over family is more associated with the husbands. Literally and figuratively, fathers do have peculiar and innate quality that make them effective controller. Hercules takes superiority over Aphrodite, in this regard.

Over financial matters, wives are better controller than husbands, although to some extent wives can sometimes be imprudent. The obsessive-compulsive behavior of majority of the wives becomes disparaging as this point. While there are husbands who are themselves imprudent by nature, our culture associate this thing with women.

Quite sensibly, wives are emotionally battered. The temporary alienation from husbands is by itself the cause; it is deterrent to psychological composure that is required in achieving and maintaining self-esteem. This alienation obviously becomes a hindrance to emotional stability. It has become a psychological war wives have to seriously deal with in achieving familial and domestic objectives.

This is why, most marriages fail. Nope, this is not absolute; this is a general statement that should be qualified. Venus is more fragile and more prone to temptations; Mars is tougher than thou, though. But the fragility of Venus cannot be taken single-handedly as the reason why most Gardens withered; Eve leaves home to look for a new Adam. Conversely, husbands who are as tough as Hercules and as hot as Mars are also fragile and prone to temptations. This nature husbands cannot deny or preclude.

Seriously, what is more pressing is when evening falls, no Cupid can provide comforting hugs to usher emotional and psychological security. When nights turn cold, no Romeo can accord gentle caress and body contacts to make one sundown calmly relaxing. When the urge comes, no Adam can share with to release warmth and experience the gist of sensuality and sexuality the beautiful Garden of Eden reserves for them. Conversely, the nights are as maddening as when Cupid escapes form Psyche, or Romeo from Juliet, or Adam from Eve.

However, as one OFW noted, when husbands leave, wives become more substantial, more powerful, and more esteemed.

Yes, they become women of substance: Assumption of fatherhood propelled them to release the energy that’s within them in battling pro-actively the concerns ahead. The vacuum that they occupied accorded them the opportunity to work like “one of the guys” sans the masculinity apparent to these roles. Wives taking on the “suit of husbands” elaborate them with the alter-ego.

Yes, they become women of power: Alienation induces them to exude the power anytime of the day, working hard and double time to relieve husbands from these roles. The energy popping out of status quo exemplifies the conviction that by default wives have to do it with gusto. They are the sentinels and rulers equipped with the most sophisticated of arms and dignified with all the majestic powers.

Yes, they become women of esteem: Emptiness and alienation pushed them to maintain the same self-esteem they used to have. They are the beauty icons enthroned to a superlative degree; honoraries professing faithfully the values of life. They are Aphrodite dressed with the gentlest fabric of human kindness and wrapped with lacy values of life called motherhood.

When children top the class or win competitions, mothers are behind them; when husbands are promoted abroad, wives are behind them. When the government hails overseas Filipino workers (OFWs) as modern-day heroes, wives are with them.

After all, behind every man’s achievement is a woman. Let’s not talk about failure!